The Emotional Roller Coaster of Unhealthy Relationships: How to Break Free and Find Your Dream Partner

Have you ever experienced a situation where you take a step in your life, and suddenly everything starts going wrong? Your efforts backfire, and you encounter numerous challenges that block your progress?

Your car breaks down, and when you call a taxi, they’re too busy to come right away and you’re late for an important appointment? Maybe you’re stuck in traffic and you miss an important meeting? What about long line-ups at the airport and you miss your crucial flight? Maybe you took dozens of flights in the past, and you never had luggage issues, but this time, when you have the most iconic event in your life, your luggage is misplaced, delayed or lost? It’s like the Alanis Morrissette song Ironic…

I recently watched this unfold. I decided to sit back for 24 hours, disconnect completely from this person in my life, and watch from the sidelines. It reminded me of when I taught my son how to ride a bike without training wheels. I had to let go and let him pedal on his own, despite my fear that he might fall and get hurt.

So…I watched this person who had all the skills and abilities to succeed make a move in a direction of misalignment in a relationship. Because of the new and improved version of themselves, returning to people you have outgrown will create obstacles. As you continue to grow and develop as a person, it’s natural to outgrow certain relationships and dynamics that no longer serve you.

While it can be tempting to revisit these relationships out of nostalgia or a desire for familiarity, doing so may prevent you from moving forward and continuing to evolve. It’s important to surround yourself with people who support your personal growth and share your values, rather than holding onto relationships that no longer align with your path.

Most people realize this, but prefer to silence their intuition and somehow convince themselves that they still have another lesson to learn in this lifetime….and what a huge lesson it was!!! What a tumultuous emotional roller coaster ride! Just like a lifeguard on duty at the beach, I was watching from a distance until the situation got dangerously close to getting out of hand.

Although I told myself numerous times to completely disconnect and let them swim on their own and hopefully, they won’t drown, when you love someone, it’s extremely difficult to do. To prevent a complete disaster from happening, I offered assistance to prevent this person from returning to unhealthy habits and self-destructive coping skills they used to revert to in the past to numb the pain when life got difficult. I showed encouragement, love, and support….and reminded this person they had all the tools to succeed. Their dream life is literally in front of them!

So how do you break free from this emotional roller coaster ride of choosing unhealthy relationships?

To connect with your ideal partner, it’s important to recognize the patterns in your relationships that are blocking your progress. While there could be multiple factors at play, the most prevalent one is the belief that you are not worthy of a fulfilling relationship without experiencing constant turmoil, pessimism, disorder, infidelity, deceit, self-doubt, envy, and gossip, among other typical issues. This mindset leads to the assumption that you are not deserving of a partner who meets your standards.

So they settle for mediocre with “a nice person” who has some toxic habits unhealthy for this person’s own well-being because that’s all they’ve ever experienced before in their life. They don’t want to choose their dream partner because this person will push them to strive for excellence and success. Their dream partner will take them out of their comfort zone.

When you settle, you always have the other person to blame for any failures, such as returning to some toxic habits because their partner has toxic habits themselves. It’s easier to blame others than to take full accountability for the success or the failure of the relationship.

Yeah, the relationship may be one notch better or healthier than the previous one, but it will never satisfy their every need. It will never tick all the boxes of their dream partner.

So…they feel stuck in a dead-end relationship with the person they selected while constantly dreaming of their dream partner first thing when they wake up, or the last thing when they go to sleep. Ultimately, they are just wasting time being with a person in mismatched alignment. Nobody can avoid doing the inner-work of self-love, and self-worth.

The second reason people choose to stay in unhealthy relationships is because their mindset needs an upgrade. They need to reprogram their subconscious mind to let go of limited beliefs they hold about themselves thinking they’re not deserving of a healthy relationship on all levels in the first place.

Getting your dream partner is easier than most people think. Change your mindset and it will change your life.